i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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