He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
