We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
