Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize