If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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