Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The air taste purple.
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