come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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