I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
