I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
We named our party play list daddy issues
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
