Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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