dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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