I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
