A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
