you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
