This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
