so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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