Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
