After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
