I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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