The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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