ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
