I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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