I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
