Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
