tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
