Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
