There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Randomize
