I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
