i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
