i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize