this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
