I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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