i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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