now i know why i became what i already was.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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