I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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