Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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