Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
