i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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