I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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