Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
