some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
