I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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