I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
