dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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