home. puking in laundry basket.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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