pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize