I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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