Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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