Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
