I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
