and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
