we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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