I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Randomize
