I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
