turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
