He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize