life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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