you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
