omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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