Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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