Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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