I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
