Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
