When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
