Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
