I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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