the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
