Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
