i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
