if i can run in heels then i can drive
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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