Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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