Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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