Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
