he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
