i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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